She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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