I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They are going to name an STD after you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize