Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
