I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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