I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
