she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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