im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
