I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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