Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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