If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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