About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
