She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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