I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
