what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
