you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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