what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
