I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
