cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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