he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize