I'm so fucking centered right now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
