so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
