yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
