YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
