I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
