Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Quick, to the slutcave!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
