I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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