Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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