It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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