Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
