We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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