Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
