ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize