...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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