Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize