Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
