You just made me feel so damn special
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
zippers are such a cool invention
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize