I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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