What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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