This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
