I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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