hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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