R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize