if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
