I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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