I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
