i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
