So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
