i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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