her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
