I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
