Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
