Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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