I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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