Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
