Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
