We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
