Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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