How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
