:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
