Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
