Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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