6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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