I just pynch a tree in the face
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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