half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
