I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
