I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I got inside last night via doggy door
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
