My liver just broke up with me...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The beer is more important than you right now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
