operation have a gay friend backfired
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
