Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
