We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
